"Today for the #mondaymessage we’re finally going to dive into everyone’s favorite dating topic: dick pics. I’ve avoided it up until now since I have some family members following me (sorry, Uncle Joe) - but I figure people can choose to skip the story. If that’s the case, swipe for Archimedes, the full recipe, and a womp-womp outtake from this photoshoot.
🍋
In March 2020, I matched with a guy named Lucas on Hinge. He sent me a few normal messages in the app, and then we exchanged numbers. He didn’t text me until lockdown started, at which point he asked if I had roommates and then sent an *unsolicited dick video.*
🍋
The video was 12 seconds long, and featured a really dramatic (ahem) climax. It was not the first time some dude sent a dick video instead of sending words - but it was the first time that the video was clearly of a different person. The guy in the video was Black while Lucas, at least according to his profile pictures, was not.
🍋
So I wrote back asking who the owner of the 🍆 was, and Lucas insisted it belonged to him. I created a split screen of the video and one of his profile pictures (it was quarantine; I had the time) as a reply. Then he sent me a nude photo that looked more like him, but also like he had perhaps photoshopped his head onto a naked bodybuilder. Then he asked to come over and have me see for myself. Instead of that tempting option, I sent the video and photo to multiple friends. After getting their permission first, of course.
🍋
Who has a theory on why Lucas had a video of another guy playing a game of five-on-one on his phone? Please tell me in the comments 👇🏻
🍋
One drink I’ll never stop asking for is a Trinidad Sour. It’s one of my favorites, and this riff featuring @ewingoregon and @bgreynolds is a welcome guest in my house any day.
Drink rating: 4/4
Lucas’ need for therapy: 10/4
",
"undefined",
"Solicited Sour",
Today for the #mondaymessage we’re finally going to dive into everyone’s favorite dating topic: dick pics. I’ve avoided it up until now since I have some family members following me (sorry, Uncle Joe) - but I figure people can choose to skip the story. If that’s the case, swipe for Archimedes, the full recipe, and a womp-womp outtake from this photoshoot.
🍋
In March 2020, I matched with a guy named Lucas on Hinge. He sent me a few normal messages in the app, and then we exchanged numbers. He didn’t text me until lockdown started, at which point he asked if I had roommates and then sent an *unsolicited dick video.*
🍋
The video was 12 seconds long, and featured a really dramatic (ahem) climax. It was not the first time some dude sent a dick video instead of sending words - but it was the first time that the video was clearly of a different person. The guy in the video was Black while Lucas, at least according to his profile pictures, was not.
🍋
So I wrote back asking who the owner of the 🍆 was, and Lucas insisted it belonged to him. I created a split screen of the video and one of his profile pictures (it was quarantine; I had the time) as a reply. Then he sent me a nude photo that looked more like him, but also like he had perhaps photoshopped his head onto a naked bodybuilder. Then he asked to come over and have me see for myself. Instead of that tempting option, I sent the video and photo to multiple friends. After getting their permission first, of course.
🍋
Who has a theory on why Lucas had a video of another guy playing a game of five-on-one on his phone? Please tell me in the comments 👇🏻
🍋
One drink I’ll never stop asking for is a Trinidad Sour. It’s one of my favorites, and this riff featuring @ewingoregon and @bgreynolds is a welcome guest in my house any day.
Drink rating: 4/4
Lucas’ need for therapy: 10/4
Ingredients:
- Vanilla Bean-infused Amaro Di Agnostura
- Ewing Young Rye Mash Whiskey
Instructions:
Infuse 8 oz of Amaro di Agnostura with 1 stripped vanilla bean for at least five days. When ready, shake all ingredients with ice for 45 seconds and strain into a coupe.
Signatures,Refreshing,Spirit Forward,Fancy,Sours